This last week, President Obama announced that negotiations with Iran had been successfully completed for a framework agreement with Iran. This truly was a miracle of sorts since the Russians and other European nations, who were negotiating earlier, had left the talks and gone home. Even though the talks had passed the deadline, the agreement was suddenly announced. This truly is an historic agreement without precedent! Apparently, Secretary of State John Kerry and his team were able to get the agreement, and the President excitedly shared the terms of the agreement with the world press. Each of the six terms in the framework agreement explained by the President began with the words, "If Iran agrees in the future to… then Iran will shut down its nuclear weapons program." He also said that he has made Israel safer now. There was no handshake or joint communiqué for the agreement between the United States and Iran. Instead, the framework document was a dinner napkin used by one of the Iranian representatives retrieved after the last snack time with some smudges of hummus. Secretary Kerry assured everyone that this was the Iranian custom for an agreement, indicating "goodwill" and "nukes only for electrical generation purposes." The press was not shown the napkin as it was found to have dangerous levels of radiation emitting from the cloth.
But according to Iranian news sources, the President is lying and Iran didn't agree to anything like what John Kerry is reporting. In fact, they posted Death to America on all media outlets. Secretary Kerry said that Iran always says that with any joyous announcement. He added that the June agreement was merely a formality, and the hard work of the negotiations was complete.
Setting aside the United States negotiations with Iran, I also wanted to share another historic agreement that I am most pleased about. After careful negotiations with a multitude of nations including Iran, I am announcing that I am now King of the World. It is only a framework agreement right now, but the final agreement will be in time for my birthday this July.
I've already called the White House to pass on my congratulations for the president's deal with Iran, but none of the White House staff or the president has called me with my congratulations. I'm okay with that. The president often waits a few days to call allies with congratulations.
